I'm Choosing To Trust My Lord!

**Warning Long Post**
Ok, so ever since Saturday & our exciting news that the baby is a sweet girl, I have been consumed with worry, doubt and fear. My mind hasn't stopped racing. Did the ultrasound tech really see a girl? Did she really know what she was doing? Am I far enough along to really tell what the baby is? Am I going to have to call all our family & friends in 5 more weeks to say 'we jumped the gun'? Am I crazy for really believing the Lord has promised to hear & answer my prayers? Doubt and worry led me to have a horrendous headache all day yesterday. It was the kind of headache that felt like my head was about to literally explode! Where was my focus? Not on the Lord & what He's told me since I've been pregnant.
Coincidentally, our resident snake is back, too. The one who hangs out in the knot-hole in the tree in our backyard. Each day I go out & sit on the deck & we just stare at each other. Interesting how the timing is with our fantastic news & the arrival of this slithering creature! LIGHTBULB MOMENT: I've been focusing on that crazy snake "the devil" and not keeping my eyes on the Lord.


Yesterday & today, I've had wonderful devotions from Proverbs 31 Ministries which have given me a swift kick in the pants for me to get refocused on the Lord and to take my eyes off of that crazy snake A.K.A. doubt, fear, worry!


See the Lord showed me several times in my bible study where He was going to fulfill my desire. Scripture He's given me over the past few months: Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding 2 Samuel 7:28 Sovereign LORD, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant. Philipians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. 1 Chronicles 16:11 Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.


And, on the way home to take the pregnancy test, He gave me His words through song: Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth lyrics that were on the radio right as I pulled out of CVS on my way home - the voice of Truth says, "this is for MY glory".... the voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid"


So WHY do I question?? I'm not focused on Him!


And, here's what I have learned from my 2 devotions the past couple of days.


Today's Lesson:


Feeling Emotional
Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” John 14:1


I felt, I felt, I felt … all I was doing was feeling, letting my emotions spread out and lay claim over every aspect of my day. There are instances where Jesus is described as feeling “deeply troubled” and “distressed.” (Mark 14:33, John 13:21, John 12:27, NLT)



If Jesus got emotionally agitated, then it’s unrealistic for me to expect to go through life without feeling some stress. The problem isn’t my emotions, it’s my reaction to them. The trouble comes when I give them free reign in my heart and mind. That’s when I become unstable. **Note to self: Hello, this is EXACTLY what I've been doing!**


That’s when I lose sight of God.


That’s when I say or do things I regret.


Jesus spoke today’s key verse to His disciples, knowing what their futures would hold. He knew His death was coming and it would trigger fear, sorrow and doubt in their hearts. Not wanting them to wallow in those emotions, He counseled them ahead of time to keep their focus on God and all that He’d been teaching them. Jesus, knowing what our day holds, speaks the same words to us. He tells us to not let our emotions fly about, creating an unstable and troubled heart. Instead, our trustworthy Lord tells us to focus our attention on Him.** Yes, He has... He's been telling me all along! **



Eventually, I made the decision that morning to pray and place my trust in God, despite how my day was shaping up and despite how volatile my emotions felt. He calmed my anxious heart. It feels good when I trade in my troubled emotions for a source of strength that will get me through my day.


Yesterday's Lesson:


I Need To Know The Truth
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32


When did I start believing I was crazy? ** yep, I thought I was crazy to believe the U/S tech ** I recalled the chronic pain I’ve suffered for the last two years. As I did, familiar accusations ran through my mind: You’re such a wimp. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re crazy. Ah, there it was, the lie that had slithered unbidden into my mind and nested there. **There's that crazy snake in my yard (mind) nesting and taking up room! **
You don’t have to be a survivor of childhood abuse to believe lies. I think they’re part of the human condition. And women seem especially susceptible. Perhaps that susceptibility is an imprint of the fall when Eve believed that first untruth the serpent hissed at her in the garden.

But good news comes with the truth. Not our truth. But the Truth — Jesus Christ. **REFOCUS KELLY**
In other words, when condemning accusations coil around my mind, I know — I can be fully assured — they’re not from God. And if they’re not from God, they’re not worth believing.After my doctor’s appointment when I recognized I’d fallen prey to the lies again, another thought went through my mind: You’ll never get it right. Good grief! This time, I had to laugh. I was aware of the crafty serpent and wasn’t falling for another lie. Instead, I turned to Jesus and thanked Him for the freedom found in Him, the Truth.**Thank you, Jesus for refocusing me! **

While the enemy will continue to try and thwart God’s truth, we can know he’s already lost the battle. It’s a done deal. In Genesis 3 we read that the head of the serpent will be crushed under Jesus’ heel, defeating him for all time. He holds no real power over us.
The longer we walk with Jesus, and the more we seek His truth, the more we’ll recognize His voice and enjoy the freedom found in Him. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. (Galatians 5:1, NIV)

Ok... that's my blip for today!
Pretend I have a great singing voice and hear me singing...

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! O what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God, born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.
Refrain:This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight, visions of rapture now burst on my sight; angels descending bring from above echoes of mercy, whispers of love.

(Refrain)

3. Perfect submission, all is at rest; I in my Savior am happy and blest, watching and waiting, looking above, filled with his goodness, lost in his love.
(Refrain)

It's A......... Girl?!?!

Friday, I went in as last reported to my OB for my 15 week check up. All is well with the baby & my doctor wanted to see me back in 5 weeks for the "big ultrasound". However, I couldn't stand waiting 5 more weeks to find out what Baby Rainey is. So, Allan & I talked about it & decided to go to a 3D place in Roswell called Baby Vision. It was $60 for gender determination. After, Nate's ball game yesterday, we loaded up the boys & headed up to our appointment. The appointment from start to finish was only 15 mins. It took her about 5-6 mins to get some pics of the baby. I tried really hard to find the "turtle head" like I saw in Nate, Alex & Seth's ultrasound photos and never saw it. The ultrasound tech told us with almost no doubt that Baby Rainey is indeed a girl. I was in total shock & am still in shock. Why? I'm not sure. I think I really thought it would be a boy. I have prayed and asked if it is God's will, for Him to bless us with a baby girl. And, I've claimed Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart". I've felt this whole time that this baby is a girl, so why can't I make myself believe it's a girl?? Doubt? Fear? I don't know. We've called and told all our family & friends and now I think I fear having to call them all in 5 weeks to tell them it's actually a baby boy. Lord knows I would be thrilled with a boy, too. I can't really put it into words the confusion I am feeling right now and if it's actually warranted or if I'm just over analyzing our fantastic news. Reading wrong gender predictions on the internet doesn't seem to help either. I've promised myself after today no more looking at ultrasounds online. 
Here's a few photos they took of her. You can click on them for a larger view.